This week was a bit different from weeks prior. I spent my studio hours on Tuesday writing my story, well mostly. The time i didn't spend writing i spent thinking about the sheets we received feedback from my what why and how. I started thinking mostly about the no time no money option because lets face it, I've got limited time and no money :\.

Today was a great day in my group. My project proposal wasn't all that great. To be honest i felt a bit confused about what was needed in my case, because until this point I have talked mostly about the reasons that I want to make comics, my reasons for wanting to write stories and develop characters, and I remember Hanna telling me in so many words that what I was saying was not good enough. What I was saying was not good enough for her, she wanted something deeper. I agreed with her, saying my reason for writing stories was to create characters that people cherish and fall in love with is not a good enough answer, even though those are my true feelings. When I told her the moral of my story Hanna was very interested, and I was excited, and realized I was being to vague. When writing my proposal in the first paragraph (the what) I gave a short synopsis of my story. My group members told me that was not such a good idea, they were disappointed in the fact that my proposal was not saying the same types of things that I have said in previous class sessions as pertaining to the reasons why I want to do my project. My group told me that the synopsis of my story is not what's important at this point, but I need to go back to explaining why it is I do what I do so that people will understand, and I agree. My group was very helpful today, especially Anna Foster! Anna is a great group member and has some of the most wonderful and helpful things to say, its amazing just watching her go lol, she's such a great help. I was amazed watching her help our other group members hash through their problems and confusions, I need to be a bit more like her when it comes to these kinds of things!

I started drawing today, I spent most of my studio time writing again but i decided to tackle a problem that been bothering me for some time now lol. A character in my comic, has dark and curly hair, and for the life f me I have no idea how to draw it lol. Her character is based loosely off of a singer called Christina Millian, who has the same type of hair. Today i began to draw a picture trying my hardest to mimic Christina's hair, I tried using lines but it didn't work out to well, so im going to have to try nd pull it off using value. Im scared lol, im no god at using values, but to get these curls drawing lines wont due, so i gotta use changes in black and whit to create the illusion. Im worried because since I'm drawing a comic, I have to make her hair as simple as possible since ill have to draw so many pictures of it :\ well i started, I'm not to far yet but Ill upload what ive gotten so far and a pic of Christina so that you all can see what im going for. Which brings me to my next point...

Ok, time for a confession. I have been writing my story for a couple weeks now, and since I'm not done and don't have it to hand out, I feel like I'm sort of losing out on the whole IP process, getting useful feedback an all that good stuff. But, the reason ive been so dead set about getting my story written and handed out before I start drawing is simply... I'm afraid. when I draw, my drawings always seem to come out looking in some way like manga/anime. I don't draw manga/anime and when if use reference when I draw I use 3D figures and real life pics, like with the pic of Christina I'm uploading. Regardless of what reference I use my drawings still have a manga feel to them. I don't mind, and I have slowly but surely begun to sort of develop a look that is unique to me but, I'm afraid. I learned how to draw by copying manga images so its always at the core of what I do, somewhat unconsciously. Im working to develop a look that is unique to me, but to be honest I like manga style comics the best. I think they are the most attractive looking comics out. American comics are a bit ugly in my opinion (I tried to read the watchmen, I could not stomach the ugly drawings lol) not all american comics, but most are so plain and unattractive, and the ones that are not, look so amazing because the artist has such a flawless panting technique, they look great because of ungodly skill with a paint brush. I love manga comics, they are my passion and have a special place in my heart and that has made things very hard for me. It seems like all my life people have been doing nothing but trying to discourage me from drawing manga style comics to the point that i honestly have a hard time even calling myself an artist. I never understood why me loving these types of comics were a bad thing, why people always try to discourage me from doing it, they ask me why, why, why. Because I love it!! because its been my passion ever since I was a small small child!!! I live, eat, breathe and dream it!!!! Is that not a good enough reason??? I have asian friends in the art school that draw manga, and their images look so much more manga than mine do, but nobody ever gives them a hard time, they never question them, why not?? is it because they are asian so its Ok? I'm black so its not Ok?? My passion for manga, and my teachers' hatred of it has made my journey through the art world one of the loneliest most discouraging experiences of my life, I feel like nobody believes in or supports me! I am alone! And thats just looking at it from an artistic point of view, there is still the fact that I'm an African American whose number one passion in life is something Japanese, but thats a conversation for another time. My art is technically manga, but as I stated I am beginning to have a style that is my own, I will get there, especially since Im making stories depicting African-Americans, but i feel thats its something that has to happen gradually and on its own. I am afraid that Hanna and Stephanie are gonna try to shove it down my throat and discourage me from doing it, they will force me to abandon my passion and do something else, force me to focus not on getting my story out in the world, but to instead practice abandoning my manga style drawing. I have never been so passionate about an art project before in my life and Im afraid of it being torn apart simply because I draw in a specific style. I figured that as long as the story was good, how the drawings looked would not be as big a deal, which is why I've been trying to hard to get the story written and handed in, and avoiding posting any of my drawings. I was hoping they would really like my story and just let me do what I do when it came to my drawing style. Sigh, there it is, the reasons I've been so obsessed with completing my story. I hope you all don't think I'm crazy for dumping all that into my blog lol, but I felt that unless i just let go of those fears and got it off my chest I would not benefit from this whole IP process.

Damn it feels to have have gotten that off my chest, well here is a little section form my story, just a taste of what's to come:

After walking down the long path that began at the end of the stairs Allen began to get this strange feeling, almost like someone was watching him, or like he was being followed. He shrugged the feelings of like they were nothing and continued on his way, but images of that strangers’ pupil-less eyes began to haunt him, and just as the feelings began to become too much for Allen to handle he felt a tap on his left shoulder. Quickly spinning around to see exactly who it was that tapped him, he was surprised to find nobody there. “What the fuck” he whispered to himself, he could have sworn that somebody had just tapped him on his shoulder. Dismissing what he thought had just happened as having been a figment of his imagination, Allen turned back around to find himself nose to nose with the stranger he encountered at the base of the stairs. Staring into those white, bloodshot pupil-less eyes sent chills down his spine and shook him to the very core of his being, but before his mind could even comprehend what was going on the stranger punched him square in his nose. Raising both hands to his now bloody nose Allen fell backwards into the snow, but in the time it took for him to fall and recover from the shock of what had just happened, the strange man that had just attacked him was gone, almost as if he had vanished into thin air. “What the fuck, what the fuck is going on?” Allen shouted, “What the fuck was wrong with his eyes, those fucking eyes”. Before Allen was able to finish the thought he was having about his attackers eyes, the stranger descended on him from above and Allen felt himself being snatched from the ground.
Soaring through the icy night sky Allen tried to scream for help, but before he could get the words out a cold and clammy hand griped his throat and began to squeeze with tremendous force. Blood shot from his mouth and Allen found himself barely able to breathe let alone say anything. After crushing his throat to keep him from screaming, the stranger let Allen go and he began to fall back down to earth. After the tree branch he grabbed to stop him from hitting the ground broke, Allen tumbled down into the snow breaking his left leg as he landed. Taking the broken tree branch in hand Allen tried to stand, but before he could get to his feet the stranger was on him. He grabbed at the branch Allen held in his right hand and pulled it from him with so much force that it dislocated his shoulder, the stranger then took him by the neck and it was at that moment Allen heard a stern voice come from directly behind his attacker. “That’s enough,” the voice said, as Allen looked to see whom the voices had come from he saw two figures appear out of the darkness. One of the figures was that of an older man who appeared to be in his late fifties, the other much younger. “This one does not belong to you” the older of the two men said “hand him over” and upon hearing the older mans request Allen’s attacker released the grip he had around his throat. The older man then began to draw closer to where Allen had fallen into the snow and when he got close enough for Allen to see his face more clearly he noticed that his eyes had no pupils.

He he he he, gotta wait for the rest, I should be done writing by this time next week, but Ill post more for anyone who is curious, Ill gladly give copies to anyone whose interested